I was joking around with a colleague the other day about how we should have put together a “What to Expect, When Expecting—Middle School Edition” info session for middle school parents. Bottom line, your kids are going to surprise you. If you’re reading this, you’re most likely a middle school parent or about to be one. Parenting a middle school student is challenging. We deal daily with changes in emotions due to fluctuating hormones and possible uncomfortable conversations about a variety of topics. Middle school students may do or say things that make you stop dead in your tracks. They may take on a new look or hair style. They may use vocabulary such as, “bruh,” “bussin,” “drip/drippy” or “gyat” that send you straight to the Urban Dictionary.
It’s hard to pigeonhole students into a single category at the middle school level because they all grow toward maturity at a different pace and all are wildly all over the spectrum when it comes to behaviors, academics and motivation towards school. Basically what I’m saying is that it’s a mixed bag, and your student may morph into a different student during each of the three years of middle school or they might not. Students will experiment with different friend groups and, depending on those friend groups, may take on a whole new persona. When as a parent you get a dreaded phone call or email from a middle school admin, you might begin to think , “Did someone body snatch my child? Where is this young man/woman that I’ve known since birth, and what did you do with them?”
As we discussed a few weeks ago, middle school is a time to fail. Kids will make a multitude of mistakes whether that be copying off a friend's homework when it should be their own thoughts, using colorful language in class or hallways because it’s “cool,” or pushing the limits on the bus. I repeat, kids will make mistakes. Although it seems like we are swimming upstream, it is our job to uphold our high expectations and lead the student back on to the right path. When a teacher, para, dean or admin contact you in reference to your student, it’s because we have a general concern and want to close the gap between home and school in hopes of becoming a united team. Sometimes we encounter gray areas; a student may leaves out some information about a situation or deny the altercation for fear of getting in trouble. Of course, as parents, you want to trust and advocate for your student. However, it is important to hear both sides of the story—your student’s and the admin or teacher—so we can work together to find positive resolution to any issues.
Although, many of us have negative connotations or icky feelings about middle school, it’s a very important time in kids' lives. The forces at play in middle school are the building blocks of selfhood. Social skills are being learned day by day, and just like with writing or math, they come much more easily to some kids than others. At times, your student may scare the hell out of you. They may also find a passion in art, theater or engineering or they may find a competitive spark in them during basketball season.
Middle School Parent Tips: (There are many! But here are a few)
Assume positive intent when talking to parents/school staff. We really do want what is best for your student.
Come to terms that your MS experience may not be the same experience your middle schooler is having. Don’t live vicariously through them.
Be a good listener to your middle school student. Have tough conversations.
Support and unite when your student makes a mistake and help them take accountability for their actions (big or small).
Get involved at your students' school.
Help teach organizational and study skills.
Set up structure/procedures/routines that help your student stay on track.
Middle school can be both frustrating and amazing as a parent. Your student(s) will surprise you. Just remember to assume positive intent and know that the middle school staff are well trained and truly enjoy working with this age of student. Your student may fail just as much as they succeed. This is a time of growth. Students need to make mistakes and learn from them as well as who they want to be in middle school so that way, when they get into high school, they do not make the same mistakes when it really counts and consequences are much larger.
Mrs. Baldwin
Middle School Assistant Principal & Athletic Director